SENSE OF CALL - PASTOR

By Rev. Ruth Amadio

Childhood me would have never imagined myself as a pastor. I loved learning and

playing “school” with my sister, and was absolutely positive that I would be a teacher someday.

I suppose, in a way, I am a teacher of sorts, just not the kind I imagined.

I grew up in the very same church where my parents met, and attending church was

very much a part of my normal rhythm of life. As I got older, my participation grew to include

volunteering to help lead parts of the worship service. And it was on one such Sunday during

my senior year of high school, when I led the Prayers of the People, that my pastor, oh so

casually, mentioned after worship: “You know, I think you’d make a good pastor. You should go

to seminary.”

My immediate instinct was to brush him off and continue with my plan. I already knew

that I was going to be a teacher! I had already declared my college major for the following year.

I didn’t need any more suggestions. But the Holy Spirit kept nudging me, the thought nibbling at

the back of my mind for weeks, until finally, I accepted that perhaps this was what God was

calling me to do. And after that, all the pieces just sort of clicked into place. I can’t quite explain

it, but I knew that this was what I was meant to do.

And that quiet assuredness in my sense of call was essential on the road to ordination.

I didn’t grow up Presbyterian, but in the Christian Reformed Church (CRC). I feel lucky to have

grown up in the particular church that I did, a quirky little church that wasn’t afraid to be

different, with a pastor who wasn’t afraid to push the boundaries. Despite some of the CRC’s

denominational conflicts, I never wavered in my belief that I absolutely belonged in the pulpit,

and that nothing about my identity as a queer woman changed that call. For me, once I felt a

sense of call, I knew very clearly that that call was to ordained ministry as a solo or head

pastor. It was just the journey to get there that took some figuring out.

I spent my time in college studying conflict management and Psychology, degrees that

I kind of stumbled into when trying to decide on a new major after my recent change in career

path. Deciding on those majors is almost its own call story, and I’m so grateful for them as

that knowledge most certainly informs my ministry today. I used those degrees to write a

senior thesis on the conflict surrounding women’s ordination and the experiences of female

pastors in different denominations. I was both fascinated and infuriated by the debate over

women’s ordination, but selfishly, I also wanted this thesis to help inform my own path, as it

became increasingly clear that the CRC could no longer be my denominational home. And

through conversations with women pastors in the PCUSA, I felt myself drawn towards the

PCUSA.

Through it all, since age 18, it has been clear that my call is to ordained ministry, but

it has been beautiful to see how the details of my sense of call have developed. In a way, I

don’t think I’ll ever stop discerning the ways the Spirit is guiding my sense of calling, as

things continue to grow and move and change over the course of my career.

-Rev. Ruth Amadio